some-kind-of-extraordinary
by Mia-Kassia-James
Summary: Dan's gone and screwed it up well and good. He'll be lucky if Phil ever talks to him again. Phan, smut, Phil/Dan. One-shot accidentally turned full-blown fan-fic. Reviews would be beyond excellent!
1. Dan's Mistake

**AN: at the moment, this is just a dirty one-shot. However, if this gets lots of lovely reviews and you guys continuously bug me; I'll probably make this into a fanfiction with chapters and stuff because I really enjoyed writing this! Mia.****  
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******AN 2: Before you all judge my writing, I'm apologizing for it; I wrote this in the car on my iPod, so it's nowhere near the standard of my writing that you're used to, and I'm terribly sorry. A lot of the words I use are translated into the American spelling. I was also seated next to my little sister the whole entire time and that is AWKWARD. Yes, I wrote the WHOLE thing in the car; it was a long trip to 'the land with no 'net.' Enjoy, you dirty little readers you. xoxo Mia**

He didn't know what made him do it, but he'd gone and god-be-damned done it.

When Phil asked, he wouldn't even be able to give a reason as to why he'd done it. Well, if Phil did ask, would he be able to make up a feasible reason in time? Probably not; he was imagination-less. Disappointment probably wasn't the right feeling to be feeling, but it pretty much described him and the situation he'd managed to plonk himself in.

Phil's eyes were wide, white showing all around those beautiful blue irises, as if he couldn't believe what has just conspired between them. "Dan?" His perfectly pink mouth was open in a perfect pink 'O'.

Dan dropped his gaze, unable to even look his best friend square in the eye. He came to the conclusion that he was a horrible human being and should be locked in a mental asylum before he did something he'd really regret.

"Dan." He could hear the raised eyebrows in Phil's voice, Phil's ruse to make him look up. Dan still didn't look up, unable to face his own shame and embarrassment. There was a long-ish, awkward-ish, uncomfortable-ish pause where Dan didn't look up and it kind of felt like Phil was staring pointedly at Dan's head, as though he could ether burn holes through Dan's skull or simply _will_ him to look up.

"For God's sake, Dan." Phil's hand rested against Dan's shoulder, and that gave Dan the courage to finally look up. Phil was blushing a little, but he didn't look angry - or remotely upset. In fact, his eyes were shining and twinkly in that way they got when he was excited about something. Dan, who secretly loved all of Phil's expressions, felt his heart melt while looking at Phil's eyes; Phil had an uncanny knack of making you forget that you were simply looking at him; you felt like you were looking into him, all the way into his soul.

...Was it really too much to hope that Phil wouldn't be disgusted? Those eyes, they hardly ever lied. What did it mean when they looked excited?

And then, for the second time in his whole life, for the second time in that day, his lips were pressed against Phil's.

His eyes closed involuntarily, leaving every other sense susceptible to Phil. Phil smelt like soap and fresh air, tasted like coffee and spearmint toothpaste. Phil's skin - his own hands wrapped around Phil's waist - was smooth and silky, almost like a girl's.

A moan slipped through, making his lips vibrate against Phil's. He felt Phil groan in response underneath his hands.

Phil pressed them closer together, bringing their hips together before pulling them apart.

Dan felt his stomach flip. The sensation that he'd just felt... It had been almost as amazing as Phil's YouTube name. "Jesus."

"Again?" Phil whispered against him.

Dan shivered. He wanted to open his eyes and stare at the lovely man before him, but he couldn't force his eyes open. He moved his hips against the other boy's, feeling the outline of Phil's penis against his own.

What sounded like a whimper came out of Phil's mouth, before Dan covered said mouth with his own. Phil's breath was hot, but unbelievably sexy against his mouth.

"More?" Phil asked, his voice shaking.

Dan opened his eyes to find Phil staring down at him with wide eyes, his long fingers trailing patterns over Dan's body, playing with the hem of his shirt.

Phil's fingers hovered over his belt, playing with the skin on his belly - which tickled, but felt incredible. Was there any way to show how much he loved him? The belt buckle came apart under Phil's fingers after what felt like too much hesitation.

"Is this okay?" Phil whispered, watching, always watching.

"Nothing's not okay, Phil. It's all okay, okay?" Dan ran his fingers through Phil's hair, pushing it back and fixing it up.

"Nothing?" Phil's lips hovered near his, so close that Dan could feel them move when he spoke.

"Nothing at all. I want you, I need you." Dan closed the distance between them, and this time when their hips touched, each knew of the others arousal. It was obvious when their pricks rubbed against one another.

"Oh fuck." Phil unbuttoned his pants quickly, but didn't pull them off. He looked so unsure and uncertain that it made Dan unsure and uncertain of absolutely everything.

Could this all simply be a dream? It couldn't really be real, could it? There was no way that this was actually happening. Maybe he'd kissed Phil and Phil had hit him over the head and this was what his unconscious mind had chosen to dream about even though he'd just been rejected.

But it felt real, and it felt right. It felt nothing like it always had in dreams - as if his imagination had only half-tried. His heart didn't feel heavy, like rejection made your heart feel. He felt himself soaring, flying, free and beautiful and brilliant and confident and… words didn't work; they didn't explain things properly. He couldn't think straight. All he could think about was Phil, Phil… Phil's mouth and Phil's crotch and his body, and his heart, which surely, surely had to love him back.

He helped Phil out of his pants; Phil in return helped him out of his shorts.

He could see - physically see, with wide open eyes, not closed eyes and a dreaming mind - Phil's arousal, and wondered of Phil also felt the nerves that Dan felt rocketing trough his stomach. It was strangely sexy to see Phil like this.

Phil's hands rested against the edge of his underwear, fingernails teasing Dan's suddenly sensitive skin, making him shudder.

Their lips met desperately, colliding against one another. Their noses almost hit, their foreheads were lucky not to crash, because their teeth had, and they quickly found out that it hurt to jut your teeth on another person's. Phil's tongue fought against his and won, and Phil used his sudden dominance to push Dan onto his back. Phil straddled him, making sure their hard-on's 'accidentally' collided twice as hard as their teeth had.

Dan felt his heart skip a beat, and then take off at a thousand beats a second, hitting his chest hard enough to burst right through his ribs and out his sternum. "Oh."

The look in Phil's eyes was close to fear and held a lot of nerves, and Dan wondered if he'd ever be able to pluck up the courage to do something that they'd never forget. As he was thinking it, wondering about sex and come and other things to do with him and Phil's bodies, he felt his hand wrap around something. His body didn't care what his brain felt; it just knew that he wanted Phil with everything - every fibre.

Phil was moaning with closed eyes and an open mouth, head thrown back in delight. Dan knew what _he_ liked, what turned _him_ on to the point of no return, but he had no idea what _Phil_ wanted or liked. He sat up as well as he could manage, his erection painfully near, painfully far away from the other, closing Phil's mouth with his. The moans didn't stop; they simply became swallowed by a heated kiss.

Phil took both of them in his hands, pushing Dan against himself before stroking them both.

There was a pause as they sat in this new position, feeling each other and nothing else. They couldn't pull their mouths away from one another, yet it was becoming damn near impossible to keep their lips together; each kept trying to throw their head back and moan.

"This." Phil panted, short of breath, drawing Dan as close as he could, free arm around Dan's waist. "Oh, Dan." He buried his head in the nook of Dan's neck, which sent shiver's up Dan's spine. Phil's breath was hot and moist against his neck, his lips so close. He wanted to draw away, but had the strangest urge to push Phil's lips against his neck. "Dan."

But Dan was past words. Things resembling obscenities passed through his lips, but he could hardly control his body anymore. He managed to sling his arms around Phil's neck before he collapsed back into the couch, successfully pulling his best friend down with him.

Phil kept his hand where it had been, and kept his body close enough that their individual lines blurred into a singular one.

Dan felt it start, managing to cry out a warning to Phil before his excitement mounted higher and higher, friction galore as Phil's hand and hard penis rubbed against him, teasing as they kissed hastily. He lost all control of his body, positively exploding. He felt as though he had shattered into a million different pieces and each had Phil's name on it. Instead of embarrassment, pleasure coursed through his blood, hot and cold and as fast as a locomotive train, a subway train or a jet aeroplane.

Moans echoed through his head and he stopped being able to tell Phil's apart from his own, because he was pretty sure that Phil was making noises, too.

As though waking up from unconsciousness, Dan came around to Phil's own end. Phil arched his back, pushing them even closer together, his hand pumping them slower than he had been only seconds ago. Dan reached between them and stroked their cocks the way that Phil had during his own turmoil. Phil didn't let go, their hands knocking each other constantly.

He collapsed into Dan then, both blissfully unaware of the mess between them - below their bellies, above their growing-limp penises.

They panted together for a long time, and when they were finally able to breathe properly, set about cutting off one another's air supply with hectic kisses.

"I so, so hoped that you'd feel the same way about me," Dan whispered, knotting his fingers with Phil's. "I was so scared that I'd be crazy about you forever and you'd never even know." He closed his eyes briefly, wondering if he'd pushed Phil too far. Phil had agreed, right? Phil's hand had been the main instigator, Dan reasoned with himself.

Phil shook his head. "You wouldn't have lasted another day with your 'big secret'." He was smiling, teasing.

Dan grinned. "Well, now I don't have to, do I?"

Phil gently kissed Dan's forehead, both boys smiling at each other sweetly. "Never keep anything from me again, okay?"

"Not if I get this kind of response, God, Phil, you're some kind of extraordinary." Dan winked, and that made his best friend blush.

**And the disclaimer: While I **_**really**_** enjoyed writing and imagining this, these boys are real people, and I can't forget that. I have no idea what goes on in their heads – I live half-way across the world, for the love of Jesus, Mary and Joseph – and I don't think it's my business to know if event like these actually took place – especially with the thoughts that I made them think. But with all that said and done, I hope you enjoyed reading – and if you've got the time, review me! I love all reviews, and like I said, a review might just lead to a whole new chapter… which I may or may not already know what to write about.**


	2. Phil's Question

**AN: Alright, you convinced me. Continued and I'm onto writing the third chapter. I'm going to do a little bit from Phil's perspective, but that's sometime in the near future… not just yet. We're not finished with Dan yet.**

"Dan," the springs creaked when Phil sat in the bed. "Can I ask you a question?"

Dan looked up from the bright computer screen in time to see Phil flick his hair from his eyes. Though he wanted to look back at the computer screen in order to hit the 're-blog' button, he seemed to have been rendered incapable of movement. His eyes are stuck on Phil as though Phil were covered in honey and he couldn't possibly think of looking away. "Sure." He clicks his mouse in vain hope that his cursor is near the right button but swings his chair to face Phil without checking his clicking progress. As he swung, his stomach flipped and he's not entirely sure if it's nausea from moving or nerves because, well, what the hell would Phil have to ask him, and surely he shouldn't be looking so serious if he's not sure if Dan vacuumed the floor.

"Don't get me wrong," Phil starts, his wide eyes full of innocence. Dan feels his heart drop, or at least skip a beat. How can Phil say that and still look so unaware of the effect that it has had on Dan? His stomach flipped again – definitely nerves. This wasn't nausea. For some reason he didn't think he'd like what Phil was about to say.

Oh God. Phil was going to say that it was all a mistake. Dan waits for the 'but' that is sure to ruin absolutely everything between them. He couldn't. Dan needed Phil. Maybe he could live with him just as a friend, but he couldn't live at all if Phil weren't there. He needed Phil's friendship more than everything in the world. "You and I… it's… Dan, I don't even know what word to use to describe it. Can I use something like 'divine'? Is that stupid? Should I use 'excellent'? That doesn't… Dan… it's just that great." Phil pauses to blush, as though he couldn't possibly talk _and _blush at the same time. As beautiful as the rosy colour in his skin was, Dan couldn't help but be frustrated. Couldn't he blush another time? A more appropriate time? Say, when Dan asked if he could violate him again. That'd be an awesome time to blush. This was just silly and annoying and Phil couldn't possibly know what he was doing to Dan right at this moment. "But."

The word hangs there. It feels like it's a real thing, something that – if he squinted hard and titled his head this away and then that way – he could see hanging in the air, strung from the roof. B-U-T. But what? Dan doesn't try to interrupt with excuses or even agreement, because he has no idea what he could possibly say if he did. But what? There was nothing wrong with their relationship, and the things that it had recently endured. Was there? Phil wasn't second-guessing his sexuality, was he? But Phil still doesn't say anything else, a frown creasing the spot between his eyebrows. He probably can't find the right words and Dan wants to throw a dictionary at him because that might possibly help. Maybe. Why won't Phil say something else?! The tension builds as the silence carries out, and Dan wonders how much longer he can handle this before he vomits. His stomach gurgles and swirls, and his brain goes white. He's incapable of thinking until he hears the rest of this. Why did Phil stop?! Dan stands and slowly moves towards the bed while Phil wars for the use of words. The springs creak when he sits as well, and that makes him feel fat. He should get back with that personal trainer. But creaking springs are the least of his worries: he's not sure if he's about to comfort Phil or beg and plead to keep his relationship. He has to figure out what he's going to do soon; he can only sit stoically for so long. And he's completely willing to do it all. He'd beg. Beg until the world heard him. He'd fight until there was nothing left. Now he knew what Phil meant (but did he really know yet? He had hardly had enough time to think…) to him, he'd do absolutely everything. Anything.

"Why now?" Phil finally asks, turning to face him.

Dan wished that Phil wasn't quite so easy to read. His face was like an open book, displaying every emotion exactly when he felt it. And right now, he looked kind of hurt, and Dan wracked his brain to think of a something that Phil could possibly be hurt by. Did this mean that Phil didn't want a relationship with him? Dan would probably have been okay with that if Phil hadn't just spent two minutes trying to ask a question that was two fucking words long. He didn't know 'why now'. He didn't have an answer.

"Five years I've known you." Phil said, his voice low and hard to catch – which made Dan lean in, his ear closer to Phil's lips and suddenly all he could think about was those lips and how much he wanted – no, needed; it was a core need . "Why now?" Phil dropped his eyes, wiping his hand across his cheek to catch a tear that hadn't quite managed to fall.

Dan's arms ached, wanting to hold him so desperately. He wanted to stretch out, envelope Phil and pull him so close that they'd never figure out who's arms were whose, that their edges melted into one another and they got to choose which body parts were theirs before they were allowed to pull apart. He chewed his lips, not knowing which answer Phil was looking for. Did he want Dan to tell him a story of undying love from the first moment that they met? Did he want a story of how Dan had gradually fallen for him a little more each day until he was head-over-heels? Did he want Dan to brush it off? He didn't know what he was supposed to do, so he opted for doing nothing. He sat as still as a statue on the bed, watching Phil blunder with his own feelings.

Phil lifted his hand and brushed Dan's hair out of his face, his fingers so impossibly smooth against Dan's scalp. "You… you kept this from me. You never told me how you felt. What else aren't you telling me? Why did you pick now?" The last sentence was harder to hear than the rest, but Dan still couldn't figure out why Phil wanted to know so badly.

He didn't know why. "I don't know," he finally managed to say, wishing he could keep Phil's hands in his hair forever, but they were already coming away to rest in his lap again. "I just couldn't keep it from you anymore. I had to do something."

The left side of Phil's mouth hitched up in a smile. "A little drastic."

"A whole lot right, right?" Dan leant in as close as he dared, his stomach flipping, his heart fluttering a thousand times faster than only seconds before, his hands breaking out in a clammy sweat. He closed the distance until he couldn't close it anymore and their lips met.

Neither wrapped their arms around each other, neither leaned in as close as possible. Neither was turned on. They kissed quickly and pulled away as quick as it had started. "Right." Phil said, picking Dan's hand up and playing with his fingers. He bend them forwards and pushed them back, still unable to look him in the eye. "One more question."

Dan fought the urge to roll his eyes. While his stomach wasn't quite in his toes anymore, he didn't want to be put through the pain of another short question in an impossibly long amount of time. "What now?"

Phil looked away, blushing again. "Well, I just wanted… how long?" Phil looked completely open, and that was probably the worst part about it. He was prepared for any answer that Dan would give him.

"I don't know," Dan whispered. Wrack his brain as he might, he honestly couldn't pick when he started to fall in love with Phil. There were so many contributing factors to his love, but he didn't know when they'd began – some things were ridiculous, for instance, Dan hated it when Phil hummed when he ate, but it was strangely alluring when he did. He hated loving it. He couldn't hate loving it if he hadn't loved it in the first place and when he realised that he loved that one thing it had made him look for other annoying things that he loved but _when _god, when had it turned from friendship to a hint of something else?

Not something more, because Phil would always have Dan's friendship, but something _else_. And it was something else; there were times that Dan could go weeks without remembering his love for Phil, but then something would happen and he'd remember and he'd spend the next few days locked in his room, replaying memories of the two of them, together and alone.

"I don't know when it started, and I don't know when it came to mean so much to me… it just did." Dan could feel his face and neck getting hot, but there was nothing that he could do to stop it. He couldn't look away from Phil but he could feel himself getting more and more embarrassed as time wore on and Phil still didn't say anything.

Phil bit his lower lip and looked at him with tortured eyes, as though he couldn't decide what to do and what to say.

Dan felt his heart sink a little bit, but could still not do anything to stop it. He wanted to float on high clouds in the sky with Phil, to fly so high that he could have met an aeroplane. But he was tied firmly to the ground, sat on the bed next to Phil while the older boy grappled with something in his head.

Phil stood up and pulled his hand away from Dan's. "I'm going to the shop; we're out of milk. You gonna stay here, or?" Whatever his question might have intended, Phil's eyes begged him to stay exactly where he was.

Dan looked down at the floor, trying to pick his courage up off of the carpet. "No, I'll just stay here. I'm, uh, writing a script, so… yeah." He didn't look up until he saw the tips of Phil's shoes disappear and hear his door close softly behind him.

Dan wondered what had just happened between them. What was Phil thinking? Why did he get to know what Dan was thinking, but Dan wasn't allowed to know what he was thinking? That was hardly fair. He stared at the closed door and wondered what was happening behind it. He wanted Phil to have curled into a ball on the other side and buried his head in his hands, wishing that he'd confessed his love. But he didn't want Phil to cry. He wanted to cry.

That's what the burning in his throat was. That's what the stinging in his eyes was and the throbbing at the back of his nose. He did turn back to the computer, whose screensaver had started playing, but instead stared at the roof. The front door closed and all sounds from the other side of the door were silenced. If he wanted, he could go into Phil's room and look out the window into the streets and watch Phil walk most of the way to the shops, but the time for stalking him and wishing he were Dan's was apparently over.

Dan sighed and closed his eyes. Every time he opened them, all he could see was the white of his roof and he wished that every time he closed his eyes, he didn't see Phil's own, tortured looking as he decided to leave Dan alone.

The front door opened and Dan could hear Phil's keys jangling as he pulled them out of the door. Dan sat up and looked over at the clock, wondering what Phil could have forgotten, but a whole half hour had passed since Phil had left.

His door swung open. Phil's cheeks were pink with cold despite the hood hanging on the back of his jacket. "Listen," he says in a voice that sounded like he'd run from the grocery store. "I forgot the milk but that doesn't matter." He stepped inside the room, unsure, and then propelled himself forward and right at Dan.

Dan caught Phil in his arms, almost toppling off the bed. He wasn't sure who had initiated it, but they were kissing and this time it was passionate and heated and heavy and hot and enough to make him want more. Phil's face was cold but his lips were hot and his hands would have been cold against Dan's skin no matter how hot they were. His shirt had hitched up to let Phil's hands roam his torso and it felt good enough to make him shiver.

"I love you," Phil whispered between kisses, breathless as he sacrificed a breath to tell him.

Dan held him closer, closer and closer. "I think I love you, too."

They kissed until they were gasping like they'd been running for miles. They fell away from each other, sweaty and cold and hot all at once. "Okay," Phil said, still without control over his breath, "the milk kind of does matter if we want coffee at all." He grinned and his eyes danced and sparkled. Dan again found it impossible to look away. "Are you coming?"

Dan stood up and pulled his pants higher. "Yeah."

**AN: Okay, so there wasn't any smut in here, but I promise that I don't have a working plot figured out. I mean, if I could rate it 'sex' I would. But M's all I got to work with here. Still, I'd love your reviews, anyway! Hint: Reviews make me upload more often! (Mainly because it makes me think about it and when you think, you find little gems and then you write and if I write then I'll upload it and yeah you probably didn't really care…) But I hope you enjoyed and leave your thoughts below! Xo**

**(Special thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter, xoxox)**


	3. Nerves

Dan felt his legs shaking, but couldn't do anything to stop them. If he tried to still his legs, his hands would start shaking and then Phil would notice and ask him what was wrong… but there was nothing wrong – oh, except for the thousands and thousands of butterflies pounding at his stomach and obliterating his organs.

He shook his head at himself. He was being beyond ridiculous. How many bloody times had he been out on the town with Phil? It should not, could not, make him nervous. It was ridiculous to think that Phil was able to make him nervous. How long had they known each other? How long had they been friends – heck, 'friends' was the wrong word. 'Best friends' was getting closer. Closer… they'd been so close for so long, and he was _nervous?_ He couldn't even think of anything more ridiculous. Alice visiting Wonderland, talking to animals – ones with pocket watches, even – and having cats smile at her was more normal than he was.

"Okay," Phil said, stopping and turning. "I'll admit that I'm a tad nervous." He raised his eyebrows, getting this adorable little crease in his forehead and staring at him with worried – but still wonderfully blue – eyes.

The knot in between his shoulders loosened a little, but it didn't disappear completely. Phil was nervous. That was nice to know, but didn't stop him being nervous. Phil must have had his own reasons for being nervous, and no doubt they were completely different to Dan's.

He swallowed hard, wishing the acidic burning in his throat would die down. He didn't know why he was nervous; it wasn't the first time they'd left their flat since, and it would hardly be the last. It wasn't in fear of somebody suspecting something; the internet had taught him, above all, not to care what other people thought of him and the situations he was in. It was so irrational, and that only made Dan hate himself a little bit more. He couldn't do anything like a god-be-damned normal person. He was odd in every respect.

…Why would Phil choose him? There were so many people that Dan would choose over himself, time after time after time.

"You okay?" Phil asked, slipping his hand down Dan's arm. Physical touching had become something that neither of them could resist – nor did they find it awkward anymore.

He shouldn't have done that; Dan felt it start in his stomach and didn't know if he'd be able to stop it in time. It clawed its way through his chest as Phil smiled at him, fingers touching against his own. Phil's smile slowly grew, and Dan leant in as close as he dared, just to feel Phil's breath on his face. He was being reduced to a very public mess. He couldn't control himself. Phil controlled him – and who knew where that would lead them.

The walk to town had never quite felt as long as it did today. Why had they decided on a flat so far away? He fell into step with Phil, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. He couldn't do it; not in public. They might be alone now, but who knew what the future held? Who knew the people that they'd come across, or what secrets would be revealed as a result.

Maybe that was what was making Dan nervous. But it was so stupid. So trivial. Here he was, trying to pride himself about not caring what the world thought of him, and he was the biggest hypocrite of all! Shying away from his own relationship, because he was afraid of what other people would _think about him_? Where was his sanity, and how could he get it back; being insane wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Phil slowed walking, but it took Dan a while to notice. He was caught up in his own thoughts, scolding himself and scowling darkly at the ground. The footsteps beside him slowly fell away, fading out of both his hearing and sight. When he couldn't hear Phil's steady, heavy footsteps anymore was when he looked up. He didn't have a beat to pound his thoughts out to, and he looked over his shoulder at Phil.

Phil's eyebrows were pushed together, his mouth in a worried, upside down smile. Dan knew he'd regret looking into Phil's eyes, but he did anyway. Worry, as plain as day and as clear as the night sky.

Damn. "What?"

"Are you okay?" Phil reached out as if to touch his arm, but someone walked by – albeit oblivious to them – and Phil lowered his arm quickly.

Dan shook his head. "I don't know. I really… it's confusing, isn't it?" He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, wishing that he didn't have this stupid communication block when he was trying to talk to Phil. "I'm nervous, too," he said, meeting Phil's eyes again and looking away before he got stuck. "But that's so ridiculous, isn't it?"

Phil bit his lip, teeth dragging across his lower lip in a way that just about drove Dan crazy. That mouth… "What's ridiculous," Phil muttered, just loud enough to hear, "is how many times I've done this before, and how fine it's been before. I mean, hardly anything has changed."

Dan screwed up his mouth. "Exactly." He rolled his eyes, wondering how the both of them had ended up in such a silly situation.

Lately, talking to Phil was less and less easy. His brain fell out and his stomach fell into some sort of bottomless pit and only crawled its way out when the situation had passed and nothing was left to be said. He knew only one way to alleviate the awkwardness, and that was to not talk – but instead do things that required no talk but more mouth movement than talking.

Maybe it was because he'd been thinking about it. Maybe it was because his body knew how to get rid of the awkward surrounding him. Whatever the reason, he didn't think he could explain it to himself in enough time; he only had time for now. And just now, Dan wound his fingers around Phil's thin wrist and pulled, forcing Phil's body against his. In a split second – half a split second, even, their bodies had gone from being a foot apart to touching from lips to toes.

Phil met his kiss passionately, pushing into him so hard that he fell a step backward. His back slammed up against the wall – which was wet but blessedly hard. He wasn't sure that he'd be able to stand up on his own. His hands held Phil's face to his, Phil's arms held their bodies together by winding tightly around his middle.

No harm in simply kissing.

People passed by the alleyway, too caught up in their own business to look to their right and find two boys, in the throes of an exciting kiss. Though they didn't look, Dan was frightened by the prospect that they _could_ and then his secret would be world-wide, and not just confined to the walls of his own home.

But he was ninety percent sure that he liked it. Anyone could look right and find him, but no-one had and maybe they never would. He might get caught, but right now he hadn't been caught and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't get caught. The idea that he could do something so daring in public excited him, and only made him more desperate in kissing Phil. He wondered what Phil was thinking; he had a habit of forgetting that the rest of the world even existed. He was good at not caring about what they thought because he forgot that 'they' thought at all. It was admirable at the best of times, a little annoying at the worst, but Dan would be the very last to complain.

Their mouths were open; Phil's so hot against his. Dan could almost feel his body temperature rising and wondered if there were such things as cold kisses. He might need one soon; he might overheat and shut down – like his computer did if he'd been using it too long.

He twisted his fingers in Phil's smooth hair, pulling gently. Phil moaned, right in his mouth, his leg pushing in between Dan's two. He pressed his leg against Dan's crotch, and Dan was a little embarrassed to find his jeans growing a little tighter.

Getting hard while kissing another boy in an alleyway. Thousands of people who could accidentally happen upon them. Breathing was getting harder. Was it getting more humid because their kiss was so hot against the freezing cold? He didn't want to tear himself away to check; it hardly mattered in the scheme of things.

"Weird," Phil whispered, pausing to run his lips along Dan's neck. "I don't care about them. I just want you."

Dan shivered, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, goosebumps rising all over. "Weird," he whispered back, taking his turn to kiss Phil's neck, "I was just thinking the same thing." He pulled back in time to see Phil smile, but the smile didn't last long. His eyes were closing over and he could only see the black of his eyelids – even though there was nothing he wanted more than to open them and stare.

His hand travelled down Phil's chest and over his stomach, finding his hips. His hand wouldn't fit in between their crotches until he moved his hips away from Phil's, which earned his an irritated groan from his friend. He undid the button that kept Phil's pants up, un-zipping the fly. He was well aware that this was hardly the way to act in public, but when his jeans tightened further, he supposed that there was nothing left to do but finish what he'd started.

Phil kissed him hard enough to let him know that Phil was past caring as well. This was more like what he'd claimed. He'd claimed not to care what others thought, and here he was, finally practising what he preached. Phil was hard and made a noise when Dan ran his hand along him.

He snuck his hand inside Phil's boxers, gently feeling and pressing. Phil moaned his name into his mouth, and when Dan opened his eyes, Phil's were so close and so blue that he felt his prick jump in response. The noise that came from the back of Dan's throat belonged to an animal – a mating call of the rare and endangered danisnotonfire – and definitely not a human. It was low and guttural – primal, like a Neanderthal. He wondered if he should be embarrassed, but then Phil was touching him, stroking him so gently that his fingers felt like small insects happening across him.

He shuddered again, his shoulder knocking Phil's. He pulled Phil close, always closer, one hand on the back of his neck, the other in his pants. There was no stopping them now.

"Shit," Phil muttered, taking a step back. "Stop. I, Dan, stop." He pulled his mouth away, and his leg, and his body. He took a step backwards and let his hands drop. He took another step backwards, shaking his head viciously like the sun was trapped in his eyes.

Dan felt rejection spill through his blood like acid. Why did this always happen? He'd been feeling so good, and now, his heart lay in pieces – again by fucking Philip Lester. Rejection and shame were hot, hot and hotter. His skin was cold, the sweat on his skin freezing into place. He dropped his gaze from Phil, unable to look.

"Dan, shit, I'm sorry. I just… we just… I've never seen two people – let alone two boys – do that in an alley before. And we can't get carried away and have to walk into the shops a mess, can we?" Phil's hands were on him again, and then his face, upside down appeared in Dan's field of vision, even though he was staring at the floor. Phil's eyes were sad but his mouth was curved upwards, as though he were trying to convince Dan to be happy, even if he wasn't.

Dan didn't want to smile. He wanted other things – specifically the thing that Phil was buttoning away from him.

Phil's mouth twisted strangely and he tried to laugh the situation off. It didn't sound much like a laugh. "I'm sorry, Dan. I would. I really would. I just… we just… can't. Not in public. I'm pretty sure that it's illegal." Phil pushed Dan's chin up with his hand, and though Dan didn't want to look up, he left Phil manipulate him. "Please tell me that you understand."

Dan shrugged. He didn't want it to make sense.

"Can I take a raincheck?" Phil lightly kissed his lips and wound their hands together, his body over Dan's. Dan remembered how wet the wall had been when his back at first hit it, and sure enough, when he pulled away to check, his back was drenched from shoulder to waist.

After hesitation, in which Phil's eyes had stared at him until he couldn't take it any longer, Dan nodded. "Fine." His voice was loud, echoing through the alley way. Somebody hesitated in walking by, but didn't interrupt them. Dan lowered his voice again, speaking only to Phil; he didn't want anyone else to hear because it wasn't their business. He didn't want to share anything between him and Phil anymore. "Sure, yes. Raincheck."

Phil half-smiled. "Thanks." He pulled Dan off the wall and Dan buttoned his trousers. "Although, I'm a little less enthusiastic about grocery shopping now that I was before," he admitted, his face turning bright red.

They stepped out of the perpetual darkness and back into the sun – or whatever the sky was trying to pull off as sunshine. Dan shrugged again. "S'long as I'm with you, I don't really care what we do."

Phil glanced sideways at him, a funny little smirk on his lips. Dan wished he could kiss that away, but he still felt a little resentment. "Not true," Phil only managed to get redder. "You and I both know that there are certain things you like more than being out on the town."

Dan felt his face turn sour; even his breath felt sour at the moment. He tried to walk in time with Phil, but found that he didn't really want to be walking right about now. "You do, too," he shot back, wishing it were a proper insult. Phil had said it as an insult, hadn't he? Dan was trying to be nice, and Phil had shot him down. He was good at that. Damn him. Why did Dan continually all for the same thing, over and over again? He was useless, hopeless and pathetic. Christ.

Phil took his hand, holding it, actually holding it in public. After what he'd just said about not doing things in public, this felt like a small miracle. Dan wondered if he wasn't the only hypocrite in his immediate company. "Of course I do. Doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the other things, though,"

Silence settled between them. Dan wanted to snap and bite Phil's head off, yelling about how ruthlessly he'd managed to hurt him in a short space of time, but numerous 'something's' stopped him. He didn't really want to hurt Phil's feelings. He didn't want people to hear him. He didn't want to draw attention to them. He wanted… what did he want? He wanted to be happy, and right now he was pretty close to the opposite of happy. He was upset. He didn't know if anger or disappointment were better suited to matching the feeling clawing, gnawing at the inside of his chest, but it was something and it was stopping him smiling.

Phil stopped walking, pulling him up short. "Are you still nervous?"

Dan started to shake his head – but stopped part-way through. If he wasn't nervous, what was he? Could he tell Phil what was raging inside of him? "Yeah. Still nervous." He noddedin reply, putting his hands deep into his pockets. Nervous would do.

**AN: I don't know about you, but I'm still imagining the Manchester flat, Manchester Phil-and-Dan and Manchester town… are you getting that vibe or were you in London and I've totally ruined your buzz? I'm sorry if I did. It just struck me as odd that, even after the six or so months they've been living in London, the fanfiction in my head is in Manchester. Weird. You don't have to picture it like that, though, and it's for that reason that I've tried to steer away from describing their surroundings and only their feelings – which might feel a little heavy at times, but I'm sorry. Just let me apologise for my crappy writing and thank you as many times as possible for reading this far!**


	4. Prelude (Chapter -1)

When Dan called him into the lounge, Phil was fully prepared to help him move furniture or fix the computer – or something along those lines. He had physically prepared himself.

Instead, Dan had been sitting on the couch with a book – something he'd done often enough while in uni, but hardly since. His eyes gave the appearance of floating half-open, like he wasn't quite reading.

"What?" Phil had been unsure of whether he was of better use standing or sitting. Dan didn't seem to be in any sort of predicament that needed Phil's help. Maybe he didn't know how to pronounce a word?

Dan sighed and looked up. "Would you be able to make me a cuppa? I'm too interested in finding out what happens next to do something so menial." He looked up and grinned, turning the page as he did. His eyes had this little sparkle to them.

Phil rolled his eyes. "You seem to be managing fine, talking to me and all."

Dan grinned a little more, his dimple jumping into place. "Well, I'm a good actor, aren't I?"

Phil couldn't help but grin back. "You are, but that's beside the point. The point is that you're too lazy to go yourself."

Dan glanced back at the book momentarily. By the time he looked up again, Phil was wondering what book it was – and if he'd ever read it. What had made Dan want to start reading again? "This is also true," he agreed, smirk firmly in place.

Phil sat next to him, defiant. "If you're too lazy to make a coffee, so am I."

Dan shook his head, turning the page again. The font must have been big, Phil reasoned, because there was no way that Dan could have read so quickly. He must be lying about reading. "Someone's gotta make it," Dan said, this time looking down and not looking back up; nominating Phil for the task.

"Fine," Phil stood back up, pretending to stop his foot like a child in the throes of a tantrum. "But I'm tallying my services and I'll make you pay me." He walked into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. He gathered and prepared their mugs, wandering back into the lounge room while the kettle took it's time, boiling noisily.

Dan was staring at the book, but Phil didn't think that he was really reading. His eyes had a far-off look, and he truly seemed uncomfortable, and Phil wondered once more what he was supposedly reading.

"Phil," Dan blurted it out and then stared, wide eyed, as though he hadn't really meant to say it at all.

Phil was caught between acknowledging his friend and pretending that he hadn't heard. He wasn't sure which reaction Dan wanted, and wasn't sure which reaction that he had. Dan still looked seriously uncomfortable. Awkward. Nervous? Unsure.

"Phil, I – can…" Dan blushed – yeah, he really actually blushed. That was weird. He stood up, dropping his book back onto the couch. It fell on its spine and bounced off the soft leather, hitting the floor at an awkward angle, the hard cover causing it to shoot off under the couch. Phil still hadn't managed to catch the title, but the cover had a lot of red on it.

"You'll have lost your page now," Phil murmured, truly understanding the tragedy of the situation.

Dan laughed shortly, two 'ha's' short of a real laugh. "Uh-oh" And then he was next to him, in front of him, arms around him and lips on his.

Bewildered, Phil let Dan kiss him. Dan's hands were on his face, lips firmly pressed against Phil's.

His best friend.

His lips.

His lips… they were impossibly hot, smooth and beautiful. Phil's brain was screaming at him to stop, telling him to pull back and push away, but his body clearly had other ideas. He felt his heart skip several beats, and then recuperate by taking off at a million miles an hour, hammering so hard that his chest might just explode everywhere and spatter the walls with blood. His breathing hitched and caught, getting stuck in his throat. Dan's mouth was hotter than the surface of the sun, and he could feel it starting to melt him. His stomach flipped and twisted in a knot. His knees were in danger of falling right off, causing him to collapse.

He heard the kettle click off, but all want for coffee was gone, replaced with nothing but need. Hard need. The words suited each other, Phil realised, because his need really was in danger of being hard. It shocked him to realise that, but he supposed that it was okay, and that it made sense.

Why was Dan kissing him? But his brain didn't have the capacity to think about it _and_ kiss Dan at the same time. He found his priorities set in a different order to what he'd thought they'd been; he cared less about why Dan was kissing him than he cared about never letting go.

It had felt like hours on end – possibly weeks, caught in each other's arms – but was hardly seconds. It was over and Dan had fallen into the couch, vacant expression back in place. His eyes were impossibly sad – Phil wanted to crawl into a hole with Dan in his arms and hold him until they both died.

All Phil could feel was the ghost of Dan's lips on his own, Dan's fingers in his face and in his hair. His heart hadn't slowed down, and he felt heat creeping up the back of his neck. He wanted more, had an absolute yearning, a passionate, raw need for more.

Dan had kissed him. He could feel his mouth hanging open, but couldn't work his way around his own body to close it. His mind was completely numb.

He hadn't expected it, but he didn't want anything else. Dan was staring at his feet, and Phil wondered if Dan had even planned this. "Dan?" Phil asked, hating how one word – one name that he'd spoken countless, countless, countless times – turned his voice childish and squeaky.

Dan didn't look up, only hung his head a little lower, blush climbing a little higher. Phil raised his eyebrows. He so wanted Dan to look up. "Dan." When he didn't look up immediately, Phil reached out and placed his hand on Dan's shoulder. His shoulder was warm, and Phil was glad he'd decided to put his hand there. He wanted Dan to look up at him.

If he could _make_ Dan look up, he would. He stared at the top of Dan's head, right into his scalp. Please look up, please look up. "For God's sake, Dan." He couldn't help but sound exasperated when Dan wouldn't look up. He couldn't kiss him and then just not look up.

And then Dan looked up. His eyes were wide, scared and so child-like that Phil felt his stomach tighten and contract.

The second lip-touch. Another kiss with Dan. Jesus.


	5. Freaked Out

**AN: I promise I'm genuinely sorry. My computer died in the arse and I had to get a new one, and then we had to do all this transferring stuff through SkyDrive and then we figured out that hard drive was still okay, so I was able to save about 99% of my documents and that SUCKED because I'd already re-done everything school related. But now that all that has died down a little, I've got a bit of free time on my hands to GO THROUGH all my documents and figure out what the hell 'sdkhskdrnykulriw' was. I've got the situation under control and I can go back and actually start writing again. It's like having finger orgasms. Okay, sorry. And, just in case you were wondering, I wrote this chapter a couple of weeks ago – before Dan hit one million subscribers anyway. You have no idea how much I laughed when watching 'Dan Is On Fire' just because of this.**

The coffee, though instant, was brilliant. Somehow, Phil had managed to make the milk creamy and thick. How had he done that? Had he bought special milk? That would be a Phil thing to do. Actually, he probably had. That wouldn't be surprising at all.

Probably the best part of the entire coffee was that Phil no longer kept tally of how many coffees he made Dan in the course of the day. Before they were a couple, he'd joked about tallying his services and making Dan pay for them. But now that it was acceptable to say such things, Dan had mentioned how sexy Phil managed to look while making a coffee, and hey presto, Phil was willing to make coffees all day, every day. And he did look sexy in the kitchen. And he did look sexy when doing things for Dan. Those facts couldn't be ignored.

Would it work if Dan told Phil that he looked sexy while sweeping the floors? It probably would work; Phil, like every other person on the planet, had a few self-confidence issues, and liked it when Dan complimented him, no matter how big or small the compliment was. The fact that Phil liked it and it made him blush was enough persuasion to make Dan compliment him more and more often. It was almost too easy to compliment him, though. Sometimes Dan struggled to make the compliments sound real. But he could convince Phil that sweeping and mopping floors was sexy – if he cared enough to try.

Coffee in one hand, mouse in the other, Dan wondered which he'd have to sacrifice to put his headphones on. He supposed that he didn't _have_ to plug the headphones in, but it would annoy Phil; editing videos was long, tedious and repetitive. It was good manners to put the headphones in so only you could hear your monotonous, ugly voice again and again and again and again. And again, just for good measure. Was he really too lazy to set the coffee cup down, or move his hand from the mouse? Absolutely. Dan wondered if he could manipulate Phil into putting the headphones on him.

"Oh, good," Phil said, walking into the room. He walked with an almost strut, as though he wanted to be told that he looked sexy when walking. "You haven't started editing yet."

Dan took a sip from the weirdly delicious coffee and shook his head. As Phil had walked in, Dan had been rejoicing at the thought that he could now force Phil to put the headphones on him, but now he supposed that Phil had walked in here for a reason and actually wanted something from him. "Fire away." But he'd swallowed the hot drink too quick and it burnt all the way down, making him gasp out. Buggery. He put the coffee down hastily, wanting to get it away from him, when he realised that this meant he had a free hand. He rolled his eyes. Now he'd have to put the headphones on himself. No excuses left.

"And my guess is that your throat is on fire now," Phil's face broke into a grin. "Dan just so happens to be on fire." He laughed at his own joke and didn't look fazed when Dan didn't laugh with him. "Right. Anyway. Could you clean the bathroom today?"

Dan rolled his eyes again. Like he didn't do enough to pull his weight around here. He couldn't put off this editing job any longer, and he was pretty sure that there were some unpaid bills lying somewhere. He had things to do, people to see and places to go. He was too busy for apartment cleaning.

Phil raised his eyebrows right back, as though he knew exactly what Dan was thinking. Now that was sexy. Imagine if Phil always knew…? "Procrastinate about it or not, you're going to clean the bathroom." He crossed his arms and stood with one hip jutting out, like his mother used to when demanding that he go and clean his room.

Dan plugged the headphones in with his free hand. "Right, sure, so now you're demanding." He pretended to be pissed off, and he wondered why Phil had chosen today to spring this duty on him. They had done absolutely nothing yesterday – the majority of their day spent sorting their gigantic DVD collection into order. He could have spent that time cleaning the bloody bathroom. But no, now the DVD's were placed in best-to-worst order and to be quite frank, they had looked much better when they had been in alphabetical order.

Phil cocked his head, like a confused puppy. He was a confused puppy. He was Dan's confused puppy. Argh, Dan must have some kind of mental issue – bipolar or something. His thoughts were totally out of line. Why didn't he follow normal thought trains? Surely normal people thought about things in logical ways, and didn't bounce around between feelings like this. Surely. "What's that supposed to mean? _Now_? Aren't I _always_ demanding? The strong one, the one willing to take things to the next level…" Phil wasn't adept at winking, but he tried anyway, his hair falling into his face when he tilted his whole head as well.

His eyes would get sore at this rate, Dan thought to himself, rolling his eyes again. "Right, okay, you keep thinking that, mate." He raised his eyebrows and let out a subtle wink, trying to show Phil up.

Phil re-crossed his arms. "I am. And you're going to clean the bathroom."

"Why? Am I your little bitch?" Dan laughed when Phil started and blushed.

"I mean, yeah. I'll make you my little bitch." He blushed even deeper and tried to hide his face behind his hand. Dan stood up and took Phil's hands in his, forcing them away from his face. Phil's face was still red, his neck starting to turn red. He met Dan's eyes bravely, but instead of holding fear, the eyes laughed at Dan.

"Will you?" Dan tried looking through heavy-lidded eyes, tried looking sexy, but he was afraid that he just looked ridiculous. Hopefully Phil didn't mind. Maybe Phil thought that his being a dick was weirdly sexy… well, Dan could hope, couldn't he?

Phil nodded. He blushed all the while, but he was grinning and nodding anyway. Dan wanted to kiss him. It was weirdly irrational how suddenly things like this washed over him. They'd just been having a nice talk – you know, Phil trying to force Dan to clean when he didn't want to – and now all he wanted was Phil. God, he was such a pansy. A wuss. A girl.

Dan looked away from Phil, unable to handle the sexual tension that suddenly flooded him. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to control his body. He bit his lip, willing the question in his head to stay put. "What are we?" It burst from his mouth unexpectedly, and he was truly disappointed. He thought he'd managed to hold it in. He didn't manage to look up at Phil and apologise before Phil asked him quote, unquote 'what the hell' he meant. He knew that he'd never be able to look up now. He couldn't. What was wrong with him? "Well," he snapped, unable to keep his voice neutral, "it's supposed to be me, asking you where we stand." He regretted it immediately, and wanted to smash his head into the nearest wall. God only knows how badly Phil must have wanted to hit him. "Us two," he continued, trying to sound gentler. "What… are we?" And now, finally, he was able to look up. He was a sap and a weakling, but he was able to look up.

Phil's eyes narrowed in concentration, and he looked the tiniest bit confused. He twisted his mouth into a bizarre shape that Dan wanted to kiss away. "The best friends ever?"

Dan supposed they were. But he wasn't sure if 'best friend' suddenly entitled him to doing what he did with Phil. "Who snog?"

Phil grinned suddenly, his face moving from serious to laughing in a single split second. "Yeah."

Dan chewed the inside of his lip, wanting to drop the topic. Did they really need to do this? They were perfectly happy the way that they were, weren't they? He should drop it now – and hopefully Phil would forget that he'd ever brought it up. After all, he had videos to edit and bathrooms to clean. He didn't have time for a silly conversation in which he'd say something beyond regrettable and probably fuck everything up completely. "And… you don't think that deserves something more?"

Phil raised a single eyebrow and took Dan's hands in his, squeezing gently. "You want to be my boyfriend?" He blushed as he said it, and not for the first time, Dan wished that he could read his best friend's mind. What was he thinking? Was he trying to deny his sexuality?

Was Dan? "I think… I do." He glanced down at his feet to break the tension that kept slowly building itself between them. God, it was so unbearably awkward. Why wasn't he a less awkward person? Maybe it wasn't the label 'boyfriend' that he wanted from Phil – but if it wasn't that, he didn't have clue what his problem was. "I want to _mean_ more." How could someone mean more, Daniel? They were a living, breathing person with the ability to make their own choices, and he was only now deciding that being human wasn't good enough?

Phil dropped his hands and wiped them on his pants, as if wiping away cooties. "You could hardly mean more; I love you."

Dan didn't expect his stomach to plummet when he said that. He'd said it before – heck, Dan had said it back – but he wasn't expecting it, and he wasn't sure how he should respond. "See? That's hardly the way best friends act."

Phil shrugged. "Plenty of girls say it." How was Phil winning so easily? He didn't even hesitate before answering, and he was thwarting Dan completely. Unfair to the maximum. "You know they do. Screaming it in each other's faces and giggling."

Dan wanted to smile, but his cheeks hurt already. He wanted his coffee but it was all the way over there, and he was just out of arm's reach from it. God damn. "But we're blokes. Doesn't that make things different?" He'd never seen blokes – well, sober ones – run and jump on one another to confess their best-friend-love. And hadn't seen two best-girl-friends do what he and Phil had done.

This time Phil did pause, but only for a moment. "I don't think so. But we've made things different. Don't get me wrong, I want things to be different. I do, swear on my life. I want you." Phil's face flitted through emotions so quickly that Dan hardly followed them all: confusion, contemplation, sincerity, concern, and finally, the one emotion that Dan had grown to recognise the quickest – need. A special sort of need that lead to confusion, contemplation, sincerity and concern.

Dan wanted to smile but there really must have been something wrong with his brain because he was still focussed on all the wrong things. "Want me?"

Phil grinned, his eyes dancing and shining. "Don't make me explain it." He didn't wink but stepped closer and that was as good as winking.

But he didn't want to explain it, and was that because he wasn't really feeling want at all? "No? Are you embarrassed?" Dan's chest tightened and his tummy tightened and there wasn't enough air. Worry and fear struck themselves deep within him, and he wondered where his courage had gone. He wondered what would have happened if Phil had just put the god-damned headphones on him without demanding Dan be his little bitch.

Phil actually blushed, as if he were embarrassed. "Yes." He looked away, composed himself, and looked back with blank eyes and a blank face. What was he hiding?

"Oh." How could Dan fall if he wasn't falling? Wind whistled through his ears and his sense of smell felt too sharp. His stomach had been sliced through and everything was spilling everywhere and no doubt Phil would make him mop the floors after he'd accidentally bled all over them.

Phil sighed, and took Dan's hands, as if he knew that he'd said something wrong. "I say… we've been through so much that you can't label our relationship anymore. We're like the old married couple that you've known since you were born." Phil licked his lips and bit the bottom one, and Dan wondered if he'd screwed everything up.

This time Dan had his answer right away. He wasn't sure why, or if it was even the right thing to say, but it was quick and it came out of his mouth before he had weighed each word and it's unintentional meaning. "Is that what we're going to tell our parents and friends?"

Phil stopped biting his lip – thank God – and his eyes went momentarily wide. He recovered quickly, and Dan tried to hide a smile. There was something that felt… mischievously evil about shocking Phil. "We're going to tell people?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I can't…" This time, Dan knew he couldn't spit the sentence out without thinking it and each word through. It was too important. "I don't _want_ to keep it a secret." It was starting to hurt his head, and he wondered if he could go and sit back down or if that was rude, and if Phil would lead them over to the couch and they'd finally be able to sit together.

"Not even from the people on the internet, who stalk our everyday lives, our every movement?" For someone intent on being an old, married couple, Phil sure wasn't sure about letting people know.

But then again, Dan wasn't exactly perfect. He was probably the bigger hypocrite. He'd brought the topic up and now he didn't even want to finish what he' started. "…No. I don't think so. Why should I? It's my life, and I'll tell whoever asks that I love you, because I really do, Phil. I really love you."

Phil looked down at his shoes, his face and ears and neck all pink. "And I you,"

Dan didn't know where to go from here. So they loved each other and they were an old married couple and they weren't going to try to hide anything but they weren't going to shout it from the rooftops because there were people who would file lawsuits because they were shouting on rooftops or something. And Dan still wished he hadn't said it and still wished that he could sit down, and still wished that Phil would forget it all and give him the headphones and he'd edit the video and then go and clean the damned bathroom. "I know," he answered lamely, his head spinning madly.

Phil didn't turn away or unclench his teeth. He did manage to look up. "I'm sorry." Dan barely heard it.

What could Phil have to be sorry for? Was he sorry that he'd tried to make Dan clean the bathroom? Sorry for loving him? Sorry for assuming that there wasn't unresolved things between them? Sorry for having met? Dan couldn't figure out what Phil was sorry for without asking. "For?"

Phil grinned and then frowned. Dan watched him search for the right words. "Well, haven't we made things really complicated?" He gestured between them.

Dan ran his tongue over his teeth. They had. Did Dan care? As long as he had Phil, would anything at all matter? "I don't care. It's nothing to be sorry for. 'Us' is like a bit of heaven, Phil. I really honestly don't care what happens, so long as I have you."

"You didn't have to say that." Phil didn't blush this time, and that made Dan blush. Someone should be blushing.

"I think I did, actually."

**AN: Short, I know. I'm so sorry. I just don't know what's happening in this scene – what relevance it has to absolutely anything – but I really like parts of it and wanted to put it in. I try to steer away from fluff when it comes up, but sometimes you just gotta have it. Which annoys me. I'd rather not, but sometimes I've got to clear things up in my head before I can sell the story to you; after all, even I don't know what Phil was thinking in the chapter titled 'Phil's Question' and I – just as much as some of my lovely reviewers – REALLY WANT TO OMG FILUP WHAT HAPPENS IN UR BRAIN PLS TELL ME UR SECRETS XOXOX ps reviews give me motivation xxx**


	6. Our Song

**AN: Hopefully I didn't scare you off with the last chapter. I'm sorry. I hate it, but I needed to get some things down, clarify some stuff. I know that the writing was beyond terrible, and that it slowly became one of "those" fanfictions. I'm sorry. I try and steer clear of things that I've read before, but I think I crossed into the 'drama' territory. You cannot fathom how disappointed I am in myself. And, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure why Dan was so… intense. I promise this chapter is easier reading! Enjoy!**

Phil kissed his cheek, and then the corner of his mouth. Dan knew that if he turned his head ever so slightly, he'd have his lips against Phil's. He could hardly resist it.

"I think that tonight, we should cancel all our plans," Phil muttered. Dan opened his eyes to find Phil's already open, watching him from a close distance.

Dan felt himself grin, even though he didn't want to. "I don't think we had any in the first place."

Phil contemplated this for a second, standing and cracking his joints. "I might just, you know, go and lock the door. We wouldn't want any unannounced visitors." It sounded like pure heaven.

Dan raised his eyebrows and followed Phil out of the room. "Wouldn't we?" He only hoped that Phil was thinking of exactly one reason that they wouldn't want visitors – and that it was the same reason Dan didn't want visitors tonight.

Phil switched the lock on the door and shook his head. He draped his arms around Dan's neck and kissed him properly – for the first time in days. Dan felt his knees go weak and it became physically impossible to keep his eyes open. His heart stopped and jumped, and his breath came at erratic rates. "The hallway is hardly the place, don't you think?" Phil muttered, using his hips to manoeuvre Dan backwards.

Dan murmured that he didn't care where the place was, so long as he was in such proximity to Phil.

Phil murmured agreement into Dan's mouth. He turned and pulled Dan's hand, guiding him to Phil's bed. His window was open, and Dan could hear the street – so far below.

Phil wound his arms around Dan's torso, pulling their hips together roughly. Dan closed his eyes. He never waned to leave Phil's side again. His afternoon – while it had seemed relaxing and nice at the time – was bleak and sad compared to what was happening now. The time he'd spent apart from Phil had been useful, and looking back, Dan couldn't see how he'd survived for so long.

He tried to catch his breath, but Phil's hands started up his stomach, their mouths heatedly pressing against one another time and time and time again.

Dan ripped Phil's shirt off, getting the buttons near the collar snagged in Phil's hair. Phil didn't complain, even as his head was jerked backwards. Dan moved with Phil, kissing him without break for as long as possible. He massaged the button from Phil's hair as gently as possible, unable to help himself flinging the shirt across the room. He heard it get caught against the chair, and he wondered if the chair was out to get him, to catch on everything it could just to piss him off.

Phil was moaning in his ear, breath hot enough to be wet. Dan found himself unable to concentrate on the stupid shirt. Dan tried to find purchase along Phil's body, but his slightly sweaty hands kept slipping.

Dan rolled them, unable to help himself. He pushed his shirt over his head and threw it beside him. He leaned down and into Phil, pressing their torsos together from belly button to chest. He shivered before their lips collided.

"Dan?" Phil's voice was low and high at the same time, and breathy as all hell.

Dan tried to answer, but it didn't exactly sound like a word.

"Are you ready?"

Dan pulled himself away from Phil's mouth, staring down at him. Phil's hand – thumb and forefinger – started to massage at his crotch. As if he needed Phil's help there. Dan pressed his palms on Phil's side, digging his fingernails in just enough to make Phil's eyes shut. "The word ready isn't ready enough," Dan managed, leaning close.

It was like a tango, close, apart, close, apart, close apart close apart closeapartcloseapart.

"Is it too much to ask you to take your pants off, too?" Dan asked, surprised that he couldn't make his voice louder than a whisper. He tried, oh, he tried. His stomach clenched, nerves exploding in every which direction.

Phil laughed, and Dan wanted him to do it again. "Yes, oh, yes." Phil unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down and give Dan a glance-over before lifting his hips to wriggle the jeans off.

Dan felt his throat tighten and his skin heat up a thousand degrees. He pulled Phil's trousers down and off, blushing when Phil unabashedly took himself in his hand. His other hand went to Dan's own hips, unbuttoning and unzipping.

He moaned and rolled Dan over, knees pressing him into the bed. He pulled Dan's pants off and slung the pants across the room harder than Dan had thrown even his shirt. They hit the wall with a thud and slid down to the floor. Phil pulled him closer and closer, his arms locking over Dan's shoulders.

They got hotter and stickier despite the cooling air trying to squeeze its way through the partially closed window.

So hot. Dan's head started to ache.

He could hear himself panting, and it only made the heat worse. The silence was suddenly overpowering, even though he and Phil's moans and groans kept breaking it. He couldn't deal with it. Nothing. He needed… he needed…

"I just, I need music," Dan said, trying to push Phil off him. Phil's skin was so hot that he was practically burning Dan. Dan felt faint, and he didn't think it was with pleasure. He wondered if Phil would notice him turning the air conditioner on, as well as the stereo.

"Music?" Phil asked, rolling himself off.

Dan nodded and stood up, walking over to the stereo. He felt so incredibly bare. He was so embarrassed. Jesus Christ. Oh, Lord, save him now. Or strike him dead. He wasn't sure which he'd prefer, to be honest. There was something terrifying about what was happening. Music finally started issuing through the speakers, shattering the weird and awkward silence between them. Dan sighed in relief and walked to the window, closing it and turning the air conditioner on.

Phil was still sat on the bed, watching him walk around the room. He was still hard, and Dan felt a little embarrassed. Something about doing menial tasks had made him less so. Why was Phil so insatiable? "You should walk around naked more often," Phil said as Dan drew closer to the bed. "It's so weirdly hot. How is turning the radio on hot? I don't know, but man, you made it so hot."

Dan raised his eyebrows but leaned in to silence his best friend. Their lips closed together, and Dan wondered if they could glue them together. Talk about the ultimate commitment. He didn't even think he'd mind being stuck here forever.

A cold breeze fluttered over the pair as the air conditioner started up. Goosebumps rose on Dan's arms and Phil ran his hand over them, as though he were trying to rub them away.

Dan kissed him lightly and briefly, touching their lips together only gently. He didn't close his eyes but Phil did.

"Are you okay?" Phil asked, trying to pull him close.

"I don't know." Dan muttered, more to himself than to Phil. His stomach felt so uneasy that he wasn't entirely sure that he wasn't going to vomit. It was like a tango, close, apart, close, apart, close apart close apart closeapartcloseapart.

"Nervous?" Dan wondered if he could hear empathy or sympathy in Phil's voice. He couldn't decide.

He nodded and lay down on the bed, wondering why he was such a party pooper.

"It's okay," Phil muttered, his fingers dancing lightly over Dan's stomach, tracing patterns down his legs. "It is okay to be nervous." He kissed Dan's chest, dark head bowing until Dan had to strain to see it. "Tell you what." He kissed a little lower, and lower again. "Just lie there. I promise that it will be okay. And all you have to do is lie there."

Dan swallowed heavily. He didn't want it to be like this. He didn't want it to be one-sided. He wanted to participate. He was good at participating – usually. "Okay."

"See?" Phil kissed his forehead and cupped Dan's face. "You're okay, my beautiful man." He shifted until he straddled Dan. He began to sing along with the radio – badly, as all his singing was. He had this incredibly goofy grin on his face, and when Dan didn't stop staring, he did his equally bad wink.

Dan couldn't help but smile. This was the reason he was here. Phil knew exactly what he needed. A laugh, a kiss and him. Above all, him. "You look sexy like that," Dan teased, finally able to smile again. The cool breeze had helped his mood exponentially. He touched Phil's member, which was trying to sink lower now that it was being ignored.

Phil groaned and threw himself backwards so he could lean on his arms. "Don't stop that," he said, his voice suddenly low and husky. He pushed himself onto one arm to run the other along Dan's leg. He ran his hand from knee to the top of his hip a few times, finally stopping in the one place Dan wanted him to stop.

"This is better," Dan whispered, trying to sit up to kiss Phil once more.

But Phil pushed him back down and kissed him, strategically placing their bodies against one another. "I said to lie down. I said I'd do all the work."

"Not fair on you," Dan pointed out, before Phil swallowed his words. He pulled Phil as close as he could, touching that fine, silky hair.

"I don't mind," Phil said, using expert tactics to make their pricks align, and both their heads roll backwards.

Dan was unable to answer.

It was like a tango, close, apart, close, apart, close apart close apart closeapartcloseapart.

"Let me know if it's too much." He whispered it into Dan's ear, his breath hot enough to send shivers down Dan's spine.

Dan groaned in response, Phil's hand gently tugging and stroking. "I can't because won't be able to talk soon," Dan whispered back.

"If you can talk now," Phil muttered, his lips against Dan's, "I'm not doing it right." His lips were gone, and the heat of his body, too. The air conditioner blew a chilly breeze over Dan's body. He was twice as cold as the air conditioner dried the sweat starting to form because of Phil. Phil's lips pressed against the tip of his penis, and Dan sat up quickly enough to give himself a headspin.

He heard a moan echo through the house, and was vaguely aware that it was him. "Do that again."

Phil didn't hesitate. And then it wasn't just his lips, but his tongue and his teeth and the inside of his cheeks. Hot and wet, moving in a way that Dan couldn't control. Phil sucked and licked, stroked and gently bit until Dan bore true to his word and physically couldn't speak anymore. He tried to communicate through a series of grunts, his fingers prodding Phil's shoulders and tearing through his hair, but he was reduced to such an animalistic mess that even he was unsure of what it was that he was trying to communicate.

Dan sat up a little, pulled Phil up to him and kissed him passionately. His stomach was clenched tightly, and he knew he only had so long before he'd completely burst. He wound his arms around Phil tightly, again wondering if there was a way that enabled him to stay here forever.

Phil's fingers were running through his hair, his hips periodically jutting against Dan's. "Dan," he whispered, again and again. It was like a tango, close, apart, close, apart, close apart close apart closeapartcloseapart.

Dan could hear his heart in his ears, could feel the pulse running through his hard-on, pounding and throbbing. Phil's arm was warm and soft in his hands, and he used an iron grip to roll Phil onto his back. He knew that there would never be too much. Thank God Phil had locked the door. He pressed his hips into Phil's, hard.

Phil moaned right into his ear.

He'd called Phil insatiable only minutes ago, but here he was. It wasn't enough. Was there a way to give Phil more?

"I love you," Dan whispered. He took Phil in his hand, wondering if it was copying to try and suck him off. "There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for you."

Phil whimpered, his fingers moving across Dan's face. "Please," he whispered, "please take me."

Dan buried his head in Phil's neck, nuzzling gently. Phil's legs opened under him, exposing parts that Dan wasn't sure had ever been exposed before.

"Dan," Phil pulled Dan's face up to his. "Will you? Please?" His eyes bored holes into Dan's head, staring right through him to his very core. The same core that begged Dan to agree with Phil because there was only so much longer that he could stand this. Only so much more his body could take. And his heart… it was almost in shreds – ripped to pieces by the black-haired fiend underneath him.

The same boy who was trembling – either in fear or anticipation.

"You're sure? You're not scared that I'll freak out?" Dan kissed Phil's neck again, causing Phil to arch his back and expose his neck, pushing his hips up and into Dan's. They moaned in time with one another.

Dan felt himself sweating, and he was tempted to turn the air up – but he was fairly certain that it wasn't the heat getting to him, but rather the nerves. He shut his eyes and lowered himself over Phil, tracing lines over his legs and his hips.

Phil writhed under him, moaning, whimpering and groaning. Dan wondered if he should turn the music up to cover Phil. He was louder than Dan had thought he could be.

"You won't freak out. I trust you. I love you back." Phil finally answered, touching Dan's lips with his fingers. He was too far away to kiss him.

Dan finally plucked up the courage. He touched Phil.

Phil's eyes closed over.

He touched him again, and again.

Phil's hips moved in time with him. Dan bent to kiss the skin of Phil's thigh – it suddenly seemed irresistible. Everything about Phil was suddenly irresistible.

"More?" Phil asked, his voice completely hoarse.

Dan shuddered. That voice has almost made him lose his grip right then and there. He nodded and shifted until he was inside the triangle of Phil's legs. He lifted Phil's thigh and rearranged it until he was comfortable enough. "You're sure."

"It's not a question," Phil said in that same voice. His eyes were open and stared unblinkingly through Dan. Dan wondered if Phil could see what he was feeling – the way Dan sometimes saw what Phil thought, felt or meant – because he'd be disappointed if he couldn't. Dan wanted Phil to see the love that he felt. It was all encompassing.

He hardly had to think about it.

Naturally and easily.

They fit together more perfectly than the last piece of puzzle fits perfectly into the rest of the jigsaw. They fit together better than anything else in the world. Dan bent until he could kiss Phil.

"Nothing will ever beat this." He couldn't bring himself to talk above a whisper.

"Hear that?" Phil asked, eyes wide and blue.

Dan wondered what he should listen for.

"I think that's the sound of our song." Phil touched Dan's face, and then his face contorted. "Oh, oh man."

Dan moved his hips ever so slightly. Phil's eyes closed. Dan's own fluttered over. The sensation was incomparable to anything else in the world. Phil felt like nothing else in the world.

Phil moaned loud enough that even the drums and the bass couldn't cover him. He called out, Dan's name suddenly music in his own harmonic voice. "Dan," his eyes searched Dan's wildly, and Dan knew.

Pumping harder, pumping faster, their hips colliding hard and fast, hard and fast, hard and fast, more frequently than his own heart pounded. The most satisfying sensations he'd ever, ever felt.

"I'm going to-!"


	7. Heaven On Earth

**AN: Call me old fashioned, but I wanted a cliff-hanger. Of course, we all know what comes after this. And we all know that it's something that I deliberately try to steer away from that somehow I managed to write enough of to comprise a whole fanfiction out of: fluff. **

**I'd just like to say thanks for taking this journey with me. I loved writing this and thank you endlessly for reading it. **

**I mean, like, WE HIT TWO PAGES OF NOTES OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU LOT ARE AMAZING I LOVE YOU FOREVER. YOUR REVIEWS ARE AMAZING AND EXCELLENT AND I'M SO SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR MY COMPUTER TROUBLES IF I DIDN'T HAVE THEM I WOULD HAVE UPDATED A MILLION TIMES EARLIER. **

**Maybe I'll upload some other stuff. That'd be cool. I mean, obviously this isn't my only writing. I'm just glad that I managed to write well enough to upload it on a website and not feel hideously ashamed of myself. I hope you didn't think me too silly for liking it. I know that some things I read aren't exactly… quality. I hope you thought mine was good enough.**

**Thank-you, I'll love you forever and here is a list of the things I'm sorry for: **

**Bad puns**

**Cliffhangers**

**Getting your hopes up and crushing them**

**Fluff**

**Bad smut**

**Bad writing**

**Unintentional Dan/Phil references. **

**Bizarre American grammar than occasionally slips in**

**Bizarre American spelling that my computer tells me is right when it's so, SO WRONG.**

**I love you and I'm sorry, **

_**Mia**_**, **_**xxx**_


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